this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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