Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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