dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
