Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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