You just made me feel so damn special
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
