so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
