no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
