fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize