i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
