I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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