6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
