The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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