My liver just broke up with me...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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