"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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