She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
