I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
