Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
