No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
