I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
