He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
