Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize