I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
