I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
