i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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