We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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