K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
