I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
