i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
