literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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