He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
