My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize