Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
