He kissed a someone with a penis
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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