Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
honey bunches of taint.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
