You're so nebulous sometimes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
