Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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