I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
