I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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