i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
