Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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