Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize