Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
