So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
