shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
