when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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