The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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