if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize