I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
