Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
