the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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