I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize