You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
