The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
