he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i think im in europe. pls send help
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
