I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
