I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
