i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
