I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
