we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
