Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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