Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
