Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
