My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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