my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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