My brain says no but my pants say off.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
