how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
