the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
