Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
