ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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