"it" just moved
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize